I wrote this email to my MP, Stephen Farry, today, on what would have been Mike’s 44th birthday.
Dear Mr Farry,
In December 2020, while No. 10 was hosting a Christmas party and later laughing about it, I and my then two-year old daughter were mourning the loss of my beloved husband Mike.
Mike died in October 2020 at the age of 42, from a heart condition.
Because of the Covid rules, he was unable to see a GP when he first started displaying symptoms, with various incorrect diagnoses being made over the phone, until eventually his heart failure became so severe that he was unable to breathe and had to be taken to hospital where he spent four of what would be the last six weeks of his life.
Because of the rules, I wasn’t allowed to go with him when he was rushed there in severe distress by ambulance.
Because of the rules, I wasn’t allowed to see him for 24 hours while he lay in the ICU in an induced coma.
Because of the rules, I was only allowed to see him for an hour a day while he was recovering in hospital.
Because of the rules, his daughter, his father, his brother and his sister weren’t allowed to see him at all for a full month.
Because of the rules, when he came home, very sick and with an uncertain future, his family saw him only briefly, once, from a distance, in the garden.
Because of the rules he was not able to attend cardiac rehab, or any in-person follow-up appointments.
Because of the rules, when he woke feeling unwell 2 weeks later, he was not able to see a doctor.
Because of the rules, when he went into cardiac arrest later that day, it took the (wonderful) paramedics an extra five minutes to get into him – five minutes which are vital during a cardiac incident.
Because of the rules, his father, brother, sister, brother-in-law, niece, nephew and friends had only seen him once or twice in the last 6 months of his life, if at all.
Because of the rules, only 30 people were able to attend his funeral. Because of the rules, none of them were able to embrace, to hug, to support each other.
Because of the rules, I did not see my own parents for almost 8 months after his funeral.
Because of the rules, in fact, for most of that time I didn’t see anyone – no friends, no bereavement groups, no grief therapists – other than my support bubble.
Because of the rules, I became a widow at 36, and I grieved alone.
Up until today, I have not complained about these rules. I understood why they existed, and I followed them because they were for the greater good. Because I don’t want anyone else to have to go through this trauma, losing someone at such a lonely, isolating, impossible time – and please know that I write this knowing how lucky I am that he died at home and I was at least able to be there, unlike so many others who have to bear the knowledge that their loved ones died alone.
But I am complaining now. Not about the rules, but because those who made those rules have flagrantly, blatantly and repeatedly ignored them. They visited family. They travelled to second homes. They holidayed. They had guests on Christmas day. And they got together for a Christmas party at a time when so many people in the country were facing Christmas day separated from family, or even alone.
I have never been so disgusted by the actions of a political party in my life. This cannot be handwaved. It cannot be forgotten. They cannot get away with it. And I want to ask you, Mr Farry, to use your position to ensure that they don’t.
I have told you my story not so that you feel sorry for me, but so that you can use it as an example of just one of the hundreds of thousands – maybe even millions – of people in this country who have suffered during this pandemic – suffered in ways Boris Johnson can’t even imagine – and yet followed the rules anyway. Because it was the right thing to do. Something I am beginning to believe Mr Johnson and his allies will never understand.
With kind regards,
Emma Waring
Widow All At Sea 